


Secret

by superbella99



Series: Sam Winchester/Music [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, But mostly angst, Dean Doesn't Know, Diners, Drama & Romance, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, Late Night Conversations, Love, Love Confessions, No Smut, Romance, Sam has bad luck with woman, Secret Relationship, Secrets, Temporarily Unrequited Love, humor at the end, late night walks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-26 21:46:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15010106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superbella99/pseuds/superbella99
Summary: It's painful, keeping this secret, not only from Dean but the entire world. However, Sam wants it to say a secret and you try and respect his wishes.So, you meet at midnight, go to run down bars and diners, exchange quick kisses. but it's not enough for you, and you know that Sam is holding himself back. And one night you both snap and have an awkward morning-after conversation.Woke up to a pain of feelAnd I place my bets on your winding wheelBut heyLet's keep it a secretWhat a choice to choose to be held by someone who slips in and out of themselvesOh wait, hard keeping a secret





	Secret

_ All my guts  _

_ Push me out _

_ Onto your front stoop _

It started off slow, quiet, yet all-consuming. The taste of his lips haunted your thoughts, along with his scruffy stubble and silky hair. You long to twist your hands through it and hear him groan in response, but all you can do now is stare longingly. So that’s how you pass your time, dreaming of your name on his lips as the clock ticks well into the early morning.

It would have all happened already, you wouldn't have to keep ducking and dodging if it wasn't for Dean. He’s the roadblock that stands in the way. Every flirty remark or interruption sends you back to the start. He always seems to know just when something is about to happen, just when it goes over the innocent edge. Until you can no longer stand to be in a room with Sam for fear of destroying everything.

He makes it hard. The way he sits researching, his hair gently falling over his face and the way his large hands reach up to tuck it back behind his ear. The sly smirk he gives you when he catches you staring. It continues like this for weeks. Only seeing him when the sun sets and the world is quiet. Every single second is agony when he carelessly brushes you or leans over.

So you keep the tidal wave of emotions at bay like you’ve done for years. If Sam wants to keep it a secret you should respect that, as much as it pains you. And you stay up late and pad to his motel room. You shiver in the dark before his embrace wakes you up. It's agonizingly painful to continue with this leisurely pace; however, you'd be so much worse without him. Without the comforting words and sweet kisses, or the passion that continuously bubbles to the surface. Then the footsteps and the opening door that forces you out of the daze Sam creates within you. Dean always has a reason to intrude, scaring you back to reality. 

_ One more dance, one more night _

_ Hanging on for bitter moonlight _

_ They can’t change what we started _

_ If we start keeping a secret _

So, here you are waiting again for a midnight stroll, a smirk or a kiss on your cheek, anything to keep you sane. The cool October air sends chills rushing through your body, his flannel does nothing to protect you. But you still wrap it close and pretend that you're not slowly crumbling inside. Then the door creeps open and all the dread and guilt flies away. Just seeing his features lit up under the dim yellowish glow warms up the tingles in your stomach. And the way he squeezes your hand and draws you close turns the spark into a flame. 

As you walk, the bitter chill disappears, Sam's arm draped around your waist certainly helps. It's a comfort you wish could be a constant, then his lips graze yours and the world seems to disappear. All the doubts leave along with any sense of dignity as you tug your hands through your head and moan as the kiss deepens. 

Then the feeling dissipates and he backs off, scared and hurt you try to control the sadness slipping over your features. It’s like this every night, so close yet terribly distant. “Sorry,” he mumbles with a shake of his head, “How about we go to that diner you pointed out earlier.” You put on a brave face and follow him through town under the waxy moonlight.

_ I woke up to a pain I feel _

_ And I place my bets on your winding wheel _

_ But hey _

_ Let’s keep it a secret _

Suddenly this night is different from the others, the desperation and tension don’t diffuse no matter the conversation or distance. It just builds until neither of you can continue to struggle and keep calm. You wish waking up in his arms wrapped around you didn't feel so good. Instant regret filled your brain with self-doubt as the memories of last night resurfaced, it went far past ‘just friends’. The line separating lust and love has been crossed and you don’t think you ever want to go back. And seeing him lying beside you, his arm fitted perfectly around you, that warm feeling returns.

Somehow you ended up back at his door, then through yours. The kisses changed from their formerly innocent pace to something more primal and passionate. But neither one of you slowed down when the clothes were tugged off and strewn across the floor. And you definitely didn't stop when all those daydreams and sex dreams came true. Nevertheless, the silence that you were forced to abide strained hard on your heart. You wanted to claim Sam, show the world your love not keep it hidden away, protected.

You long to trace the tattoo inked on his broad chest, feel his feet interwoven with yours, his sleepy eyes soft and happy inches away from your own. All of a sudden its a reality as the sunlight filters through the thin blinds and gently wakes you up. Sam's flannel is laying haphazardly on the floor next to you and you pull away so you can slip it on. His hazel eyes trace your form as you button it up delicately, in full realization of the sexual tension that begins the grow again. 

As much as you love the moments you share and the wonderful feeling he gives you, that doubt creeps instil. His cryptic emotions and actions keep you always needy and wanting of him, always waiting. You don't want to be secret, something he hides. The sour feeling of hurt and dread clouds your brain as you situate yourself on the edge of the bed. Looking him in the eyes is almost impossible.

_ And oh my god _

_ I've changed myself  _

_ To what we might do _

_ If we start keeping a secret _

“Sam- “ you start to question anxiously. He shifts up and gazes at you, for a second you want to finish the sentence and change to something lighthearted, but you push that thought away. 

“Whats up?’ his informality seems out of place with the topic your urging yourself to confess. He must have noticed the conflict, as he adds, “Whats wrong?”

“Um, I-I really like you…” you can feel the blush forming on your cheeks as he continues to look at you, almost unfazed. “I just, I don't know why you want to to keep this a secret. I don't want to be a secret." 

That's when the tears start to form in your eyes that struggle to avoid making eye contact. You know that if you look at him they will go tumbling down your cheeks and then you'll be a blubbering mess. So you tilt your head down and wonder why he's not answering. Your breathing hitches and deepens and your hands fidget as you mentally prepare yourself for the heartbreak. 

“Do you really want to know the truth?” You glance up to see a look of sympathy slip over his face. He sighs when you give him a small nod.

“I wanted to protect you- I’ve not had the best luck with women I’ve dated.. I’m just scared that the same will happen to you. Hunters and relationships don’t mix."

You understand you truly do, and you want to let it go, move past from the tension that’s building back up again.

“I’m sorry,-“ you pause and take a deep breath “- I just don’t want to keep playing these games. You treating me like I don’t exist while in the same room as Dean. Can we at least start by telling him? He’s your brother for God’s sake.”

Sam reaches out and takes your hand, his thumb drawing soft circles. “Please,” you beg, your voice raw and full of emotion. He looks crestfallen as you stare deep into his puppy dog eyes. 

"No, I'm sorry. I didn't know that this was hurting you." your face softened at his words.

"As for Dean, I’m pretty sure he already knows” he lets out with a chuckle. “You were pretty loud last night.” You avert your eyes as your cheeks flush again. He just smirks.

_ I can't let go _

_ all your pictures on my phone _

_ all your clothes are in my bedroom _

  



End file.
